The Masculine Mission
This is a podcast detailing how young men, young fathers, your friends a teacher, truck driver or whoever it may apply to, that need help being better each day. To be a true leader, to be a better father, fit, a strong influence in your community. This is who this podcast is for!
The Masculine Mission
When The Fathers Finally Tell Their Side of The Story
Fathers share their deeply personal stories about being separated from their children and the universal experiences they face when relationships with the mothers end. We explore the emotional toll of custody battles and the systematic barriers many fathers encounter when trying to remain present in their children's lives.
• The "universal playbook" that seems to exist when fathers attempt to stay involved with their children after a breakup
• Why fathers are often told they "need to try harder" or go to court to see their kids
• The psychological impact similar to PTSD that custody battles can have on fathers
• How children often reach adolescence or adulthood before learning the father's side of the story
• The frustration of being labeled a "deadbeat" despite actively trying to be present
• Why some fathers eventually move on and start new families after years of struggling
• How the narrative around single parenthood often ignores fathers who want to be involved
Make sure you support the podcast by hitting that support button on YouTube. Like the video under the Masculine Mission, and let's keep rocking this thing.
What's up everybody? What's going on? Welcome back to the Masculine Mission, and it is your boy, jp the Soldier. Welcome to the man Cave, my guys, welcome back. Hey, I want to talk to you guys about something real near and dear being a father. I want to talk to you guys about something real near and dear being a father.
Speaker 1:Now, how many of you remember those good old days when you was told you were going to be a father? Hey, you didn't know what to do. Then find out you having a son. Oh my God. Hey, there's nothing else on this planet that had you so happy. But then things take a turn. You break up with the mother.
Speaker 1:Now, how many of you have gone through this? Pretty much all of us, especially if it happened when you were younger or you got married young, and you know it split up. It happened. You know it happens. You know it happens. But what people do not understand is how the fathers actually feel. Nobody listened to us, nobody asked us how we feel, nobody asked us what we go through, nobody asked you how it affected you throughout your life. So that's what I'm here to talk about today. So let's get with it guys. Let's get with it. Break it down, pull up a little something, get your little brown cup ready. You know what I mean Something in there that make you feel good inside and let's sit down and just reminisce a little bit, because this is going to get heavy.
Speaker 1:Now, I say this because I had a conversation recently. Now, I say this because I had a conversation recently and I was explaining how the situation affected me and when I did, other guys started looking at it the same way. Everybody has something in common, everybody. It's the same thing as if there's a playbook for F&O with the fathers. If you break up with the mothers, I am NOT lying. There is a must be a book because everybody's on the same thing. So you let me know, you tell me, hit me in the comments real quick if you can. If you guys on YouTube, hit me in the comments real quick if you can. If you guys on YouTube, hit me on the comments, let me know what happened in your situation. Just be short and I will tell you some other things. Now it's just having the first child. It's just like, basically I'm just going to be honest that child's like a guinea pig in this whole situation. You never had a child. She never had a child. You don't have the slightest idea what you're doing. And majority time.
Speaker 1:Let's be real, you didn't have that many feelings for the young lady but you tried to do the right thing. But for some reason, for some reason, we are punished if the relationship goes bad. And I always tell people when they start bagging on dudes, deadbeats and all this and this, and I explain to them just because the relationship went bad or he and the girl did not get along, does not mean he will be a bad parent. That does not mean he will be a bad parent. That does not mean he'll be a bad parent. If he didn't like you, if he used profanity at you or whatever, it does not mean he will be a bad parent. That's the God honest truth. He just don't like you. Guys, y'all know exactly what I mean. Right? You just don't like her anymore. Like that. It was just probably one night fleeing or our young relationship love, who knows what it was, but it it didn't work out. So now they think you should be punished the rest of your life.
Speaker 1:And see, nobody ever said and asked the guy how you feel about all that. They always ask the woman and she always give her plea about how sorry you are. You a deadbeat, you ain't this, you ain't that? You know the same old chatter. But nobody ever asked the guy yo man, how do you feel about this? So I'm asking you guys, how do you really really feel about what happened when it came to you and your kids? And some of us never got a chance to even talk again with their kids, spend time with their kids. We just know they got kids out there.
Speaker 1:But what's happening a lot now is the kids are getting older and reaching out to these fathers and giving them a chance to explain. This is what's the. This is the new thing I think is better now than before. The kids are asking the fathers why and what happened, and when the father explains, then there's a, there's a shift. Now sometimes the kids have been brainwashed to think no matter what you say, mommy, mommy, not going to be wrong Mommy did everything to make sure I was this and this and she did all this. Yeah, she told you that, but you had a father that was willing to do all this, plus some. She the one hid you from her. She the one kept you thinking that he didn't want to have anything with you. All in all, everything happened was early in your stage of life and he just got to a point where he moved on. It seemed maybe they just wanted the child support or, better yet, they want to punish you.
Speaker 1:Do you guys feel like that? You know they always want to go, try to call your job, mess up your relationships, doing whatever they can for the next 18 years just out of spite. So how many of you going through that mess? I mean, when I was a recruiter for the Army, people would call. My number was in the paper and you know how the back of the knee is in the paper and everything else and Google sites as the recruiter up at this unit and so people would always call me and thinking they talking to the commanders and stuff of the unit and trying to report soldiers because they broke up with them. Of course I'm looking out for my soldiers. You're not getting my soldiers trapped off and kicked out the military because he didn't want to be with you. You must be crazy lady. And kicked out the military because he didn't want to be with you? You must be crazy lady. So this is the level some of these women would go through or go to to try to ruin you, simply because you broke up with them.
Speaker 1:Now they keep the child from you and then they'll tell you this little thing right here. Tell me, if y'all never heard this, you ain't try hard enough. You need to try harder to see your child. If you really want your child, then you are taking me to court. Tell me if you never heard those things. It's universal, guys, I am not lying, it's universal. I remember my oldest told me that and I just sat there like hmm, that's a weird thing to say.
Speaker 1:If somebody wanted to be with their child and see their child, why do I need to take you to court? Only thing you got to do is say, okay, come pick him up. Y'all understand. Do is say, okay, come pick him up. Y'all understand. Why do I have to go to court to get you to say, okay, come and get it? Because of course, we're gonna tell you the same thing. Now, the only thing when a child get a little older, they gonna ask the court. I mean, ask the child, where would he prefer to be? But the child still small. You go to court and y'all work that thing out. You're gonna go see the kid, right. So why is she throwing up this big front as if you, this terrible dude? But at the same time they're gonna give you access to the child. So you could have just did that. But see, the thing is, she wants you to pay, she wants you to go through the courts. She wants you to pay. She wants the course to punish through the courts. She wants you to pay, she wants the courts to punish you. She wants to let you know that she has total control of this child. You can't do nothing until she say so.
Speaker 1:But, like I tell a lot of people, I say times have changed, people getting tired of this mess. You're going to end up raising these kids by yourself, because ain't nobody going to keep going back and forth with you. And you're seeing this now. Yeah, you can sit there and brag how good a mommy you are. Yeah, go ahead. He's going to move on. He's going to find himself another family, raise his family and keep moving. I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it all day the dude will get married to somebody and start his family and keep moving.
Speaker 1:Now a lot of them still try to do for their kid and but it's the hassle, because now she's mad. What. She's mad because you're married and it goes so far. I've seen some get mad because now she's not the only baby mama you have. Ain't that some shit mama you have? Ain't that some shit? She's now mad because she is not the only baby mama you have, but she can have multiple kids by other men Craziest mess I've ever seen in my life. Craziest.
Speaker 1:And out of these other kids, guess who she harassed the most? You have y'all seen where she'll have three kids, three baby daddies. You one of them, matter of fact, you probably the first one. So she had two more kids. She don't harass the other ones, they're deadbeats, sure enough deadbeats. They ain't dead nothing for their kids. But you're the only responsible one. So guess who she keep chasing after you.
Speaker 1:So I tell guys, stop being suckers and paying for these other kids. I mean I grew up watching women tell dudes you can't come get your kid unless you take these other kids. That's not theirs, your kid, unless you take these other kids, that's not theirs. And the guy would take the other two or three kids with him just so he could spend time with his kid, and he would still get called all type of names. I mean, it's hard man. These guys were doing all this stuff, but y'all don't ever hear about it. They do all this to still try to see their kid, just so they can be told they ain't nothing, that they're dead beats, that they're sorry, and they telling their kids this. So I'm here to tell everybody that these fathers are out there trying to see their kids. I'm not here to be sitting here and crying about what we didn't see. No, these guys out here fighting to see their kids, it's your butt that's keeping these kids away from their fathers.
Speaker 1:And these kids are growing up and now getting mad at their mothers and not speaking to their mothers because, guess, what you done ruined it for them. Even if you take away 10 to 12 years of that kid's life, that's 10 or 12 years that they do not have a connection with Most of these kids around about 15, 16, or maybe older, before the kids realize anything. Well, I'm going to say older because most of the time they're adults. So you missed out on their childhood. They got to see you going and doing things with your other kids, not knowing why you're going doing things with your other kids, not knowing why you're not doing things with them.
Speaker 1:Now tell me if y'all, if this story does not ring a bell in your life. That's the crazy thing. It's universal. Black, white, asian, it doesn't matter. Like I said, the book was written for all angry mothers, or disgruntled mothers I guess you would call they all use the same playbook.
Speaker 1:Destroy him, because I'm mad. It's not my fault. We slipped up. We both take responsibility. That's why I look at it.
Speaker 1:But to sit and make one just go through hell simply because you think you can. But but in the back of your mind you still want to be with this dude. You think he would take you after you done, did all this, keep my kid away from me and I'm supposed to what, forgive you and we're going to be lovey-dovey. No, that's not how that work. People. Guys, do not put yourself in a position where she is controlling you with this child. It doesn't matter. You will not work out. You can do all this stuff and think it's working out with you and your kid. It will not work out, because when she's extremely mad, when you don't do something that she wants, she's gonna mess it up anyway. So why waste your time? I'm just being honest. Why waste your time? Just hope the child figure it out, which most times I don't, but I'm personally.
Speaker 1:I had to go through it I. I don't think I could do it again if I had a kid. I mean, my other kid is grown. Both my kids are grown, but my first one. I went through it with it, but I don't think I can go through that with another child because it messes you up. I didn't even want any more kids because I was afraid hell, the next one would do the same thing. I thought all of them would do it, but my second child, we know my wife. We've been married now for 26 years. We've been together 26 years.
Speaker 1:So all women aren't like that, but at the time I'm thinking they are, because that's all I've seen, which a lot of guys. They don't want to. It's like guys don't want to be and no more kids. They don't want to go through it, no more with these crazy women out here. But that's the effect it has on us when nobody ever talk about it. That's the stuff we get, like almost PTSD, from you mothers trying to keep a kid away and the extent you guys would go through to keep the child away is crazy.
Speaker 1:You can simply tell them I'm coming to pick the kid up, get over there and y'all gone. Simple, what? Or you get over there, or you bring the child over to you and now you don't want to let the child come in the house, or, better yet, you don't want to leave, and then you get mad and want to take the child back with you. Like you just kick off an argument for nothing, when I just need you to drop the child off and leave. So it's always something.
Speaker 1:But the world got us out here like we don't take care of our kids, and that's ridiculous. Just because we're fathers don't mean and even statistics would tell you that fathers do a better job raising kids than the mothers do a better job raising kids than the mothers. You can't. A single parent household does not work well for mothers, but for some reason men raise them differently because we believe in structure and discipline. Only thing they seem to be worried about is will the child love them? I just want the child to love me. Love, love, love.
Speaker 1:Okay, now the child hit about 12, 13, don't want to hear nothing, you got to say and guess who they start calling then oh, now the fathers are good enough to come over. Come over and get on your son or get on your daughter because they, acting up, they're going to to get out my house. No, they're not. They're going to stay right there, because you done created it and now you're going to deal with it. Guys, stop coming to the rescue. They created it. No, you're going to stay right there and give her everything back that she's been giving everybody else. That's how that works.
Speaker 1:Well, guys, I thought I'll let y'all hear it from the father's side and y'all let me know what you think about it, because I know a lot of you felt the same way and went through the same thing. I'm just somebody that brought it up and talked about it. So y'all let me know. Hey, hit me in the comments if the comments are there, but you know I don't need you to verify. Y'all let me know. Hey, hit me in the comments if the comments are there, but you know I don't need you to verify. I know, you know you went through it Because we're dudes, that's how I know. But, guys, I appreciate you listening to me. Make sure you support the podcast by hitting that little support button on YouTube. Go through and like the video, because I'm going to post it on YouTube under the Mass Commission, and let's just keep rocking this thing. Until then I'm up out of here. Y'all take care, peace.
